Monday, February 7, 2011

Dear Joe,

*this an installment in my 30 Letter Challenge. You'll note that the Challenge has changed from the "30 Day Letter Writing Challeng" to the "30 Letter Challenge". This reflects a recent crisis of accuracy on my part, when I realized that I started this challenge...oh...six months ago or so. Whatever. In this episode, I'm supposed to write to someone I don't talk to as frequently as I wish I could.

Dear Joe,

I love your tattoos. They're super cool. If you were a girl, you would be that girl on that TV show about tattoos. I can't for the life of me remember what her name is and I'm too lazy to google it. Oh. Kat Von Dee. You'd be her.

However, you are not a girl and you're not on TV and you're supposed to be my handyman. Last summer when Dan Dan the Handyman rode off into the sunset, you valiantly stepped in to take his place.

That is, until early December.

The stacks of two by fours is still there on my stairs and my windowsill, Joe. Every time I pass them they call out for you. "Where's Joe?" they cry, in tones of the abandoned, "has he gone for good? Why doesn't he return our calls? Does he even love us anymore?"

Everything started off so well. I know it's hard to maintain the great momentum we had going there for a while, what with the mending the holes in the wall and replacing the rotten trim. But even after you'd been gone for a month I had faith in you. I knew that stack of materials had implications about your intent to return. When others scoffed at the petering-out of your progress I smiled and thought, it's ok. I'm a good, flexible and generous employer. He'll be back.

That was quite a while ago, Joe. Since then you've ignored about eighteen of my phonecalls and haven't even had the decency to send birthday cards to the two-by-fours. They miss you, Joe.

We all miss you.

Especially since I can't find anyone to take up where you left off. Your project in "heading in an unclear direction" and we can't figure out where you were planning on attaching the lights know...ELECTRICITY. It's a problem.

Please Joe, find it in your heart to come back to us. We'll hold no grudges. As long as the work gets done.

Come back. For the sake of the two by fours.